Inside Colin's Head

Home to the wise, unwise, flippant and thoughtful musings that pass through my head. 

Arrival in India

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(My wife and I are vacationing in India to attend a friend's wedding).

After roughly 30 hours of travel we made it to our hotel India! The sleeping pills helped pass the time and I have to give it up to Turkish Airlines for the best flight experience I've ever had. The incredibly annoying children on the last leg were a different story...

We were greeted by our friend's friends at the airport at 4am. They drove us to breakfast and then to Meerut. First big thing we noticed was the crazy driving and different modes of transportation sharing the road. It doesn't seem to matter so much what side of there road you are on. Nor does it matter that you be in a lane per se. I saw a man throwing up outside of a bus window and someone laying in the middle of the road whom we had to swerve to miss.

Our guides were incredibly friendly and our hotel room is great. We are now relaxing to prepare for our cocktail dinner party tonight.

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What religion means to me this Christmas

This Christmas season I thought it would be an interesting exercise to restate my thoughts on religion. Over the years I've constantly found myself intrigued, outraged, and empathetic in my views on the matter.

We went to Catholic mass during my childhood, and my extended family includes a wide mix of intensities when it comes to religious commitments. Some of my family say they are spritual but not religious, some are what I would call passive followers of their religion, and some are not only religious but also maintain a belief in the generally supernatural. I personally started doubting the existence of a god around the age of 5, but I was still afraid to cuss out loud at 13. By 18 I firmly considered myself an atheist and now the best label I can think of is agnostic atheist.

I am a follower of reason and scientific thought. When something I believe to be true is found to be false via scientific methods, I change my internal understanding and usually do so eagerly. There is enough wonder and excitement in the natural workings of our universe that I don't see a need for divinity or magic. In my view, man created god, not the other way around.

I believe religious thought is built into human nature as a product of evolution. All living things (including humans) are protected from death through the instinctive powers of survival. When confronted with danger, our fight-or-flight instincts automatically come forth, usually without our conscious ability to alter or prevent them. There is a story of Charles Darwin facing a snake separated by protective glass, trying not to flinch when the snake lunged (he found this impossible).

Additionally, humans have the unique ability to understand the inevitability of death. Some other animals have a basic understanding of this topic (elephants mourn relatives long after their passing for instance), but only humans understand the complexities and nuances of the briefness of their life's existence.

This creates a paradox: We know life is temporary, but it is our organic mission to not die. As humans we feel that this quandary must be addressed somehow and because science leaves us with little ammunition, a far easier solution is coming up with a story to satisfy, or perhaps distract, us. (An interesting tangent on this point: what happens to religion when we have a technological means of living indefinitely?)

This gives those who have died a place to be and those who are living a continuance after death. It provides certainty for the unknowable and wraps it in an easy-to-understand package. This is such a clean solution that I'm willing to bet religion arose as far back as the first organized communication (maybe it even existed before--locked inside the minds of the first humans). The older the legend the more mystical it becomes, which summarizes my opinion as to why there are relatively few religions and why the top five command so many followers. Many Christians enjoy a good laugh at Scientologists, but how different are the two groups really (except for the fact that Christianity's book is older)?

Although organized religion has provided some benefits in the history of humanity, I believe it has caused much more damage than good. Especially in today's world where a few search terms can provide answers to so many curiosities does organized religion seem woefully outdated. In addition to the countless atrocities people have comimtted in the name of religion throughout history, I believe that religion today inspires apathy, entitlement, and a refusal to take responsibility (in both the positive and negative sense) for our actions (as in, "I just want to thank god for helping me score that touchdown," or "it is god's will").

My feelings towards personal spirituality are very different. When your spiritual beliefs help create an internal narrative to center yourself or allow a gain of personal clarity in some way, I'm very supportive. When church becomes a therapy session or promotes unity between people, I think it serves its purpose well. I just think religion shouldn't provide those benefits under the guise of ghosts and gods and magic.

None of us are inherently better or more holy than others. There is just humanity. Rather than living to ensure a good afterlife, I think we should spend our brief time loving, laughing, and learning from each other.

To those I have offended I do apologize if your feelings are hurt. Religion is obviously a tricky subject and as I said earlier, I believe in some way that being religious is human nature. I realize that most people (religious or otherwise) are friendly and compassionate. It is merely my intent to inspire thought on the subject and represent a viewpoint that is sometimes crowded out by larger and louder groups.

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Zuzu's Petals

If you're not familiar with the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life," now's a great time to watch it or at least look up this reference.

In this epic movie, the petals are a way that George grounds himself (not dissimilar to a "totem" as in Inception). That got me to thinking; his scenario was a life-or-death sort of thing, but it seems like good wisdom that grounding your mental state is key to progress. I think people do this subconsciously by having a routine to provide structure to their efforts. I've said before that I think having routines can be dangerous, but there certainly are benefits, too!

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New, hopeful feelings

I've wanted to write more about my personal feelings and emotions that I'm experiencing on my progress of creating a successful software company, but it's been a bit tricky. The world we live in now makes it tough to share publicly your personal ups and downs, especially when they pertain to business. I hope I can continue to figure it out and eventually strike the perfect balance.

Anyway...

Last week was big for me in regards to the road toward our company's success. Nothing exceptionally tangible happened per se, but for the first time my instincts (which are notoriously and irritatingly realistic) matched my hopes. I had a rush of confidence in our endeavor that just felt very grounded. It was a great feeling and I hope I'll soon look back on that moment as a vivid milestone towards our coming success.

Last year around this time I was dealing with a lot of pain due to all the struggling I've had to endure. It was truly a flavor of challenge I hadn't tasted before. Today I'm filled with a renewed sense of drive and confidence that's very exciting. I'm still struggling though--and an objective eye might say more quantifiably so than last year (I'm starting to get serious cabin fever from working in my house and spending almost every hour there, alone)--but, I'm feeling exceptionally positive.

So here's to looking forward and the surprises that will come!

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My Dad's Latest Project and a Few Thoughts

Garret
The above picture is of my Dad (Garret Mathews), two years before I was born, when he was my age now (30). We don't look all that much alike (he's a good half-foot taller than me), but we have some similar mannerisms and the same artistic drive to create. 

He suffers from the same infecting temptation that so many entreprenuers have and of which I've talked about many times: that is, being so excited about new projects that old ones sometimes don't get the proper watering that they need. His creative ambition is palpable though and he's never disheartened for very long before he's on to the next project--I have to respect that. For artists like us, though we crave some kind of objective victory, the creation act itself is what's truly important.

His latest project is "Folks Are Talking," an audio CD set of stories he wrote when he was a young journalist. In the years before I was born he published his first books, "Folks" and Folks II," a collection of stories about rural people, mostly in West Virginia where we lived. "Folks Are Talking" is an oral history of these peoples' stories and it includes music, some of which is written and performed by my talented mother, MaryAnne Mathews.

I'm hit emotionally by the comparison to my current project that I've been pursuing for nearly three years, dialawg.com. I hope thirty years from now I'll still be creating and pursuing my art with the same forceful passion. Maybe I'll reflect on this work in a similar way -- if so, this blog post will be a time capsule of sorts!

Check out my Dad's site (folksaretalking.com) and you can listen to a few samples from the CD set.

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“I contain multitudes”

That famous quote by Walt Whitman pretty much sums up the book I just finished and thoroughly enjoyed: "Incognito: The Secret Lives of the Brain." 

The book discusses the idea that our brains are constantly dealing with multiple desires and agendas that often conflict with each other (anyone who has debated turning down dessert has experienced these struggles). Is consciousness simply a ring-leader in managing which actions are finally carried out? Or is it more dramatic, and can consciousness only hope to participate by breaking ties between unconscious desires when they're equal in strength?

It doesn't bother me to think that my mind is much less in my control than I probably intuit. We are animals after all, and being secure with that concept is freeing to me -- no perfection, no objective morality, and a default inclination towards peace. Honestly, if we put the traditional concept of "animals" against the traditional concept of "humans," I'll side with the animals (no war, less waste, and the humility of only being one part of something much bigger).

David Eagleman talks of the "dethronement" of man in the same way as a book I cherish: "A Short History of Nearly Everything." As our species progresses we gradually learn (and struggle with the idea) that we are a much smaller part of the universe than we have always believed. Eagleman says this same process is happening within our brains: there is much more going on of which we have any conscious control or perspective.

I'm fascinated by what each of us consider to be a part of "I." Some people might include bodily extensions such as hands and feet, some might only count the physical brain itself, and some might only refer to "I" as the changeable thoughts running through their mind. Consider this:

  • The pain from a cut on your leg is only a mental projection -- your leg doesn't "feel" pain.
  • The brain is by far the most incredibly technology we have "discovered" in the known universe: we can't possibly presume to have but a basic understanding of its inner workings.
  • The brain is also a part of biological evolution and surely has "parts," just like many other components of organic bodies, that cause no harm, but serve no purpose.

The beautiful thing about it all is that it doesn't matter!

Learning about such matters is incredibly interesting for a number of reasons, but our reality is truly only what we make of it. Free will, free won't, and the idea of having a "soul," they are just concepts serving to decorate our reality; our experience with the external and the internal.

Filed under  //   psychology  

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"Speechless" performed by Isiah at a friend's wedding

A good friend of mine performed at a wedding of one of our mutal friends in Vermont recently. The wedding was amazing and his song was a big hit. See below for the video!

Follow Isiah on Facebook.

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The last few moments of my Michael Jackson dance

This is the last few moments of my time in the dance circle at a recent wedding (the camera missed the first minute or two because it was in my pocket, so we just got everything as it was winding down)! 

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Filed under  //   video  

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Our Vermont Trip - Part 2

Here are some more pictures from our amazing road trip to Vermont (and Niagara Falls and Philadelphia)! The trip ended at 2305 miles and we covered 10 states.

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View Vermont Trip in a larger map

Filed under  //   travel  

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Our Vermont Trip - Part 1

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Rachael and I are most of the way through our trip to Vermont for a friend's wedding (we've turned it into a full-fledged vacation). It's our longest road trip as a couple and has been tons of fun. So far we've logged over 1500 miles, covered 9 states, and 2 countries!

Here are some of the highlights:

  • Niagara Falls is gorgeous, but the IMAX movie blows ass (though it was good to make fun of).
  • The first person to go over the falls intentionally and survive was a 63-year old woman. Nice.
  • If you can put pumpkin in it, I've consumed it on this trip (coffee, beer, etc.). 
  • Vermont is fucking beautiful (at least during this time of year).
  • Due to an error on my part we were almost late to the pre-wedding dinner and had to change into dress clothes at a gas station.
  • The wedding and pre/post activities were insanely fun. Great food, fun new people, ridiculously good weather, and a to-the-point-but-emotion-filled ceremony.
  • Pennsylvania's alcohol laws are unbelievably stupid. I'm writing this from memory so it may not be exactly correct: Wine and liquor is only sold by state-owned stores, alcohol sales end at 9pm, and you can only buy beer for home consumption from a distributor or a licensed tavern (and from taverns there seems to be a purchase limit of two 6-packs).

Filed under  //   travel  

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