"Sometimes you just gotta say, 'what the fuck.'"
My head's about 1 pound lighter these days.
At the risk of over-analyzing something that's pretty trivial, I thought it would be good for me to write down exactly why I had a strong impulse to shave my head after years and years of having long and slightly crazy hair. Just thinking about shaving my head was actually kind of a scary process for me, which in itself is interesting. My hair has always been a major part of my identity; from my own perspective as well as in how others see me. I like the idea of getting to the core of who I am and finding happiness with whatever that turns out to be, and in some small way this act would apply. The psych researcher in me wonders if a drastic appearance change might force others to challenge their existing perceptions of me—if their visual familiarity cues would be shocked and confused and they'd be forced to partially repaint their view of who I am. Wow, that's pretty nerdy to actually write down...and changing others' perception is totally not my intention. However, we all carry baggage of our past selves in the eyes' of our friends and family, and sometimes I do wish I could have a fresh start. I think mostly I just wanted a change and to do something fun. I'm overall a very patient and methodical person, but when it comes to ideas I can be really impulsive. Sometimes things jump into my head so strongly that I don't have a choice but to follow through; many late nights of extreme coding have ensued before I even had a chance to think if I was actually solving a problem. It's a trait I enjoy about myself though. As Flea (or perhaps the Butthole Surfers) says, "it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do." Once this thought jammed inside my head, the rational part of my brain was forced to deal with it. And I'm not ashamed to say it got scared. I really wanted to shave my head for me, but what would other people think? What if other people thought I looked stupid? What if it made me even younger looking than I already am? This, as readers of Seth Godin would recognize, was definitely the lizard brain talking. When there's something you want to do that doesn't hurt you or anyone else, especially if it's something as innocuous as this, desire should be all the reasoning you need. Any resistance after that is swimming against the current of your self. I've been reading a lot about cosmology recently (the universe is fascinating to me). Did you know that outside the boundaries of our solar system, there is something like 4 light-years of absolutely nothing before you'd hit the next spec of matter? When thinking about the amazing universe that we are all a part of (yes, you are made of star dust), fretting about the consequences of shaving my head seemed ridiculous. It made me think how humans are such silly animals. And at this point, I realized that the only reason not to do it was fear, which to me isn't justifiable. So, as I occasionally quote my favorite line from "Risky Business", "Sometimes you just gotta say, 'what the fuck.'"
